Loneliness they say is a feeling just like hunger or thirst. It is a need that hasn’t been met for connection in your life. That is true, but how can a person feel the loneliest in a crowd?
In my experience it is my perception of the situation that shapes my feelings. Do I perceive others as having better connections, being more interesting or really am I so wrapped up in my feelings that I am not really living in the moment and enjoying the chance to connect?
I suspect that shaping my perception and learning to let go of the need to analyze and compare myself to others is the true root of the problem. In fact, if I say so myself, I think I am being selfish!
I say this with a side note that I have been dealing with chronic depression and firbromyalgia for over 25 years. Our family has had a series of crises that even one of (2nd degree burns, 4 heart attacks, paraplegia, hip disease, colon cancer and heart failure to name a few) would be a challenge to cope with. All of this, while raising a family with four children in very hard economic circumstances. I say this not to use as an excuse but a reason for the challenges in not becoming self centered and self absorbed.
Still, living in life’s past struggles and continuing to echo the pain is not the solution. I have not had the successes in my life that I have by sitting back and not fighting to move forward.
Sometimes, it seems we just let friendships happen. We meet someone in passing and feel a connection and shared interests and we drift into a friendship. I am going to do more.
Here are 5 ways that I am going to build friendships:
- I am going to reach out to friends and family that I have been connecting with again and catch up on their lives. I am going to make opportunities in my life to spend quality time speaking or visiting these friends.
- I am going to find at least 2 positive things in my life to share with others.
- I am going to look outside the box for friendships and seek friendships with those I might not have thought of before. They could be younger, older and maybe even seem like someone that I would normally be comfortable with. (insecurity maybe)
- I am going to relax and try not to take life so seriously and just be myself.
- I am going to fill my mind with positive thoughts by reading, listening and doing things that remind me of the hope for the future I do have.
What do you do to combat loneliness? Please feel free to share any comments.
Michelle
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well to be honest i do miss my family in idaho alot (alot alot). and i havent made a ton of friends since ive been here, at least not like my best friends ive always had back in idaho. its not the same here ya know? i guess thats what happens when you move away from the place you were born and raised in.
ReplyDeletebut you know what makes it all so much better? my family here :) i seriously couldnt have asked for a better family to marry into. and staying close to the congregation. going in service (even if i dont take many doors) but just being with the friends.
and OF COURSE my awesome husband. hes not only an awesome husband but a great friend.
-h
This question is a challenge for me, as I have always had a strong need for solitude while being surrounded by people.
ReplyDeleteBut I can address the issue of needing to work harder at maintaining quality friendships.
Having less energy as I get older has made me lazy. I end up lettig other people and the situations I am in determine pretty much which people I will be around. For instance, when I moved congregations, I found I seldom see or talk to my dear friends from the old congregation. It seems to take all my energy to get to know and maintain the friendships I've made in the new one. They are all such wonderful people.
Also, I have a big family, so when we have people over, it is often family members. If I had just the family members that are in my congregation over for dinner, that would be 22 people!
But friends enrich our lives. And we all have something to bring to encourage and support others.
I plan to move outside my little circles and spend more time renewing the friendships I have enjoyed over the years, but have just not made the time and energy for lately.
Montana-Thank you for your comment. We love you too! It does seem that it is really different here. Maybe the pace of life is a little faster.
ReplyDeleteWe will have to all hang together and make sure we support and grow our friendships.
Michelle
Susan - You are not kidding when you say you have a large family! I am sure it is a challenge to keep up with everyone in your family and not miss a precious moment of your grandkids lives!
ReplyDeleteI liked your comment about looking outside our little circles and expanding our friendships.I know you have a lot to share.
I feel like if I just make and effort to touch bases with a phone call a visit or a quick note with people that I have known that I will be rewarded with the renewel of friendships that I have had.
Thank you for your insightful comment!
Michelle